Monday, December 13, 2010

Because it is beautiful

"With a crown of flaming candles, glittering garlands of tinsel and flowing white gowns, celebrants of a traditional St. Lucia ceremony brought a glow to the winter dark.
In Sweden, pageants like this one kick off the season of jul, a midwinter drinking and eating festival celebrating the turn of the season, and return of the sun at the winter solstice. Serious business in a country where winter nights can stretch to 21 hours."

Christmas is soon here.

Haga (My school)'s Lucia choir.

Thats me! second to the left from Lucia! :)

After we got evacuated from the school because the fire alarm went off...

Oh yeah... And we where all wearing 'Beach Santa' cloths... aka, next to nothing...

Too much fake tan?.. Yes.

BEACH TIMEEEEE.

Lets sing our own Christmas song :)

My slightly immature and crazy class. :D

Shot 2!

My dorky brother, Marcus.

The beautiful Yasemin.

Crazy kids <3

Nawww.     / Careface.

What my hair looked like AFTER Niklas (Aka, my bitch) decided to make it crazy ...







Godjul!

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Don't over think it.

Today was one of those days you just know you will remember for the rest of your life.
Full of great people, fun activities, and nice cozy talks.

It was my dear friend Heathers 18th. Also, today my host mum and i spent 2 hours outside in the snow making a snow racing track. :) Later in the night i met up with a girl i haven't talked to in too long.


I walked home in the freezing cold at 1 in the morning wondering why it is people make drama.


Drama:
Urban dictionary says drama is 'making a big deal over something unnecessarily' .


The thing is though, sometimes drama is something you hold onto because you are afraid if you let go and give whatever it is a chance it will go wrong. It will blow up, and make things go wrong. No matter how long you ignore it. 
 And something else is, we all live off it. This drama is everywhere. There is no way to avoid it, no matter how much you try.
The best way to fix it is with words. People get blinded by self pity or sometimes the opposite, which is sad.
Sometimes the best thing is too face it. Work it out. Fix it. Then the drama is over, well, sometimes.


Drama does not always involve another person. People make drama with themselves. 
Loose self confidence. Loose their happiness. Loose their way. 


Look around. There is always someone that needs you, and if you aren't there for them, who else is going to be?

Some people just don't understand that.

         ______________________________________






Move on. Its nothing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Leaving.

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”
-Winnie the Pooh


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Your Golden Year.

So. It has now reached my 2 month point before going home. I got this email from my district chairman in Australia yesterday. I wanted to cry.

Soon i will be leaving this all, to go home.
Here is what she said:


A year has almost passed and now you stand on the brink of returning to a world where you are surrounded by the paradox of everything and yet nothing being the same.

In two months you will reluctantly give your hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to people who were once just names on your guarantee form to return to people that you hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before you left 12 months ago.

You will leave your best friends to return to your best friends. You will go back to the places you came from and go back to the same things you did last summer and every summer before.
You will go into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been a whole year, it will seem like only yesterday.

As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realise that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand.

Who will you call first?
What will you do your first weekend home with your friends?
Where are you going to get a weekend job?
Who will be at the party Saturday night?
What has everyone been up to in the past year?
Who from school will still be my friend?

Then you start to realise how much things have changed, and you realise the hardest part of being an exchange student is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything and all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave
behind.

You now know the meaning of true friendship. You know who you have kept in touch with over the past year and who you hold dearest to your heart. You've left your world to deal with the real world. You've had your heart broken, you've fallen in love, and you’ve helped your best friends overcome eating disorders, depression, stress, and perhaps even death. You've lit candles at the grotto and you've stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need. That is true friendship no matter where in the world you are.

There have been times when you've felt so helpless being the other side of the world when you knew your family or friends needed you the most, and there were times when you knew you had made a difference in some small way.

Two months from now you will leave your exchange home.

Two months from now you will take down your pictures, and pack up your clothes. No more catching up with the new friends and families you hold so dear. You will leave your friends whose random Sms’, e-mails and phone calls brought you laughter and tears this past year. You will take your memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for your return to this world at a later date.

Two months from now you will arrive back home in Australia.

Two months from now you will unpack your bags and have dinner with your family.
Your Mum or Dad will drive you over to your best friend's house and you will soon catch up with all your friends and family members you hold so dear.  You will return to the same friends whose random Sms’, e-mails and phone calls brought you laughter and tears in previous years. You will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year.

In Two months you will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, you will find your place between these two worlds.

In Two months. Are you ready?"

This should make you think how hard it will be to make your friends in Australia understand how life really is. When you have been away for so long, and met so many people from ‘everywhere’ you get a certain ‘pain’ which will follow you for the rest of your life.

It is actually not a ‘pain’, but a ‘need’... a need that pushes you to travel and is possibly what you will want to do for the rest of your life, because the need for international friendships is too strong to keep you just sitting at home.

So, hope and pray that they, the friends you have made while on exchange, will stay your friends.... your best friends, forever and ever. I am sure they will!!







I don't know if i'm ready....





Sunday, November 14, 2010

I have awesome friends :) <3
Niklas & i. :) <3 He is also known as 'my bitch' xD

This boy is my brother. He is so chill ice is jealous. NOT xD Oh yeah, and he SUCKS at fifa on xbox

This is Vanessa. Or, Nessa. She is beautiful and a bunch of fun.

These are my favorite Swedes.
The one on the left is my wife, Cornelia (KORN). She proposed so i never have to leave Sweden, and of coarse. Because she never wants to leave me :p
The one on the right is one of my best friends, Malin. :) She is gorgeous and i cant imagine this year without her. :)


Crystal Holt

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

People.

Sometimes whats best for you isn't what your heart tells you. 
But, these days, it seems like people don't think about themselves enough when it comes to feelings.
 If it is going to hurt you, let go. If it is going to make you happy, go for it. 
One thing is sure, when people act irrationally, it is most of the time not for the best. And may hurt you in the end, whatever it may be.
But there is only so much that the heart, and also the head, can handle.
We all with things where simple and that easy, but they aren't. 
You have to fight for what you believe in, you have to fight for what you want.
So be prepared to get hurt. Be prepared to have to get back up again when you fall down. Or else life will be so much more difficult.








Friendship.

You meet new people everyday. It is always up to you if you will keep them in your life or not. I have met so many people in this beautiful city, and this beautiful country. I don't want to ever let go of them.
But, then reality hits. Some of these people i wont ever see again. Distance is just one part of it.
People change. Friends become memories.

It is only up to you to make the most of those people in your life. Keep those friendships.
Whatever it takes.





Kisses and hugs. Everyone needs them.

Good night.
Crystal Holt.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Snow.

Don't you love when you walk outside and the first snow for the season hits you on the cheeks. Knowing every single snow flake is unique and chose to land on you.
It makes me smile waking up and opening the window finding pretty, white, soft snowflakes falling softly to the ground and hitting the window pane.

I'm happy you are finally here snow. :)
You make the world seem more beautiful.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Your words

'I really love words.    And i think about them all the time.

The way that they fit together, the way that they change things. The right words can transform whatever, whoever, they touch.
Words are powerful.
They hurt and they heal, they show you things in a completely different light.'

Sometimes when you say things, honestly, its like you don't care what effect they have on other people, but sometimes you want them to have an effect on someone but that person just ignores it.

There are many words. And depending on how you fit together, they all mean something special.

Wish you would see that...



Monday, October 25, 2010

Winter by Adam Young, Owl city.


The leaves were falling from the great oak at the meadow’s edge. They were falling from all the trees. One branch of the oak reached high above the others and stretched far out over the meadow. Two leaves clung to it’s very tip.
“It isn’t the way it used to be,” said one leaf to the other.
“No,” the other leaf answered. “So many of us have fallen off tonight we’re almost the only ones left on our branch.”
“You never know who’s going to go next,” said the first leaf. “Even when it was warm and the sun shone, a storm or a cloudburst would come sometimes and many leaves were torn off, though they were still very young. You never know who’s going to go next.”
“The sun seldom shines now,” sighed the second leaf, “and when it does, it gives no warmth. We must have warmth again.”
“Can it be true,” said the first leaf, “can it really be true, that others come to take our places when we’re gone, and after them still others, and more and more?”
“It really is true,” whispered the second leaf. “We can’t even begin to imagine it, it’s beyond our powers.”
“It makes me very sad,” added the first leaf.
They were silent a while.

Then the first leaf said quietly to itself, “Why must we fall?”
The second leaf asked, “What happens to us when we have fallen?”
“We sink down.”
“What is under us?”
The first leaf answered, “I don’t know. Some say one thing, some another, but nobody knows.”
The second leaf asked, “Do we feel anything, do we know anything about ourselves when we’re down there?”
The first leaf answered, “Who knows? Not one of all those down there has ever come back to tell us about it.”
They were silent again. Then the first leaf said tenderly to the other, “Don’t worry so much about it, you’re trembling!”
“That’s nothing,” the second leaf answered, “I tremble at the least thing now. I don’t feel so sure of my hold as I used to.”
“Let’s not talk any more about such things,” said the first leaf.
The other replied, “No, we’ll let it be. But — what else shall we talk about?” It was silent, but went on after a little while. “Which of us will go first?”
“There’s still plenty of time to worry about that,” the other leaf said reassuringly. “Lets remember how beautiful it was, how wonderful, when the sun came out and shone so warmly that we thought we’d burst with life. Do you remember? And the morning dew and the mild and splendid nights…”
“Now the nights are dreadful,” the second leaf complained, “and there is no end to them.”
“We shouldn’t complain,” said the first leaf gently. “We’ve outlived many, many others.”
“Have I changed much?” asked the second leaf shyly.
“Not in the least,” the first leaf said. “You think so only because I’ve gotton to be so yellow and ugly. But it’s different in your case.”
“You’re fooling me,” the second leaf said.
“No, really,” the first leaf answered eagerly, “believe me, you’re as lovely as the day you were born! Here and there may be a little yellow spot. But it’s hardly noticeable and makes you only more beautiful, believe me.”
“Thanks,” whispered the second leaf, quite touched. I don’t believe you, not altogether, but I thank you because you’re so kind. You’ve always been so kind to me. I’m just beginning to understand how kind you are.
“Hush,” said the other leaf, and kept silent itself, for it was too troubled to talk anymore.
Then they were both silent. Hours passed.
A moist wind blew, cold and hostile through the treetops.
“Ah, now,” said the second leaf, “I…” Then it’s voice broke off. It was torn from it’s place and spun down.
Winter had come.
.


           





      Everything reminds me of you.


















.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Remember me . Remember me.


This one goes out to my beautiful swedes. Ni är så finna.

Vi måste party and party and party forut jag åka hem. det har år ha varit det bästa av alltid ! :)
Jag älskar mina svenska vänner! :) <3

Pussar o kramar
Kom ihåg mig.

När du står ensam kvar på tå
och ytan inte går o nå
När du träffat botten
Kom ihåg mig då

När du tagit första bästa tåg
och gör vad som helst för en dialog
När du står sist i kön
Kom ihåg mig då

När vintern gömmer dina spår
så att du inte hittar hem
När du är vilsen i en vinternatt igen

När det blir varma sommardar
Kom ihåg mig då

När vinterisen ligger klar
Kom ihåg mig då
Här finns du kvar

O när du står på toppen och tittar ner
och det är ljust vart än du ser
När du har vunnit
Kom ihåg mig då

När du får spring i dina ben
och jordens dragningskraft är klen
När du är i luften
Kom ihåg mig då

När våren öppnar sina dörrar
och du tar den långa vägen hem
Och sitter på ute serveringen där vi satt igen

När det blir varma sommardar
Kom ihåg mig då

När vinterisen ligger klar
Kom ihåg mig då
Finns du kvar

När varje dag känns likadan
och när det skymmer över stan
och när du drömmer
Kom ihåg mig då

När du har varit i alla vrår
och testat allt som går och
när du tröttnat
Kom ihåg mig då

När det blir varma sommardar
Kom ihåg mig då

När vinterisen ligger klar

Så finns du kvar
Finns du kvar
Så finns du kvar
Här finns du kvar
Finns du kvar
Finns du kvar

Friday, October 22, 2010

Difficult situations.

So, The snow came last night.
I woke up and looked out my window and smiled and thought it would be a good day. We had Swedish class first, boring. Then a not too good lunch. Then Feminist defence class, which i happilly sat out of and read my book because i didnt feel too good. I have a cold, and its bugging me so much. After my class i went to Mattias house and watched how i met you're mother and listened to Bon Iver.

This weekend is going to be interesting... I'm not looking forward to it at all... :/
All the exchange students from my district are going to Öland (an island) to the district conference... I don't want to go because, simply put, there is going to be lots of exchange student drama. And Exchange Student Drama, its is the worst kind...

Now that the snow is here its making me think that its not long till Christmas, and not long until i go home...
Yesterday i watched the 3rd year people try on their graduation hats... It makes me think, i want to graduate here. My plan is to save lots and lots of money so i can come back here for my classes graduation and party with them. :-) that would be perfect.


So, on the note that:
i am sick.
not looking forward to this weekend.
kinda fucked some stuff up in my life this week.
the snow is here
and i am trying to be positive.



















Until next time,
Lots of love,
Crystal Holt

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Life Status.

Mood: Not happy
Thinking about: Hibernating
Wants to: Snuggle.


This weekend was fun.
I did something i never thought i would do, i slept in a cave in the forest.
The weekend was fun,
Until i got home and had to go back to reality. There is lots going on at the moment.
I go home in 3 months now. Maybe less. I don't know what to think about it...
And i don't know what to do about it.

Lies are everywhere. Trying to avoid them is the toughest bit.

But, then again. I really could use a lie right now.







Good night.




Until next ime,
Lots of love,
Crystal

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Good friends always stick together.

No matter what country you live in. :)

I am soon going to see this girl called Matilda.

So excited :)
It feels like i'm meeting one of my Australian friends, because thats what i know her as.
But, now i know her as Swedish :)






Last night i couldn't sleep. Literally. I am pretty exhausted. I have lots on my mind to think about.
This weekend i have decided to stay away from the computer and turn off my mobile. 
I need to get away from all of this Swedish/exchange student drama.
There is too much.
So, see you Monday. :) Have a nice weekend. I know i will in Lindesberg with Tilly :)


Untill nextime,
Love always.
Crystal

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What is the meaning of this..?






Truth is, 
        I have no idea.


It's hard to understand people. But sometimes its even more difficult to understand yourself....
And what you want, or need.

But when you know, you know. Why can't it be that simple.




Today i found out something i wanted to know for a while... But, the question is... Now what.?

This song is called 'RE: stacks' 

I'm still trying to figure it out. And also many other things on my mind. 

Things are so complicated sometimes, 
              But sometimes, why not just let it happen and see where the road takes you...





This weekend i am going to see my Swedish friend, Matilda (Tilly). She was on exchange in Australia for a year, the year we became good friends. We became friends in the first half of her year, and in the second half i left for Sweden. It feels strange now, i am in the second half of my year on exchange, and there isnt much time left. 
It has hit me and i wish it hadn't. It makes me think about everything i do. 
Every move i make with my friends,
Everything i say to my host family,
When i am on the bus looking out the window,
or even sitting here writing my thoughts in this house which i call my home.

I just want to do everything i want right now, 
             If only it was that easy...








I have been listening to the album called 'For Emma, Forever Ago' by Bon Iver.

The songs are like riddles. They make you think. I love that about songs. Just laying in bed thinking about just the words and just the simple guitar with the simple words.

::::


This my excavation and today is Kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're unstacking your load

I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down 
In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be
That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're unstacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be
Safe with me 




Until nextime,
Lots of love.
Crystal

Tuesday, October 12, 2010










Time means nothing.







Thursday, October 7, 2010

i miss the snow.



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Jag älskar dig, Sverige.

I Fucking Love Sweden!
Jag Älskar Sverige Som FaN!!!!


I never want to leave this beautiful land!

Reasons i love Sweden.:

  • They have funny letters, and one that looks like a very scared smiley! ö ö ö ö ö ö ! (Yep. scary!)
  • Their freakishly awesome houses!! -->
  • The people are CRAZY when it comes to partying and drinking! xD
  • It has EVERYTHING! Mountains, lakes, snow (LOTS OF SNOW!), forests, cities and anything you could imagine (minus the desert...)
  • IKEA
  • Fika. OMG! I <3 FIKA! (like afternoon tea, or a snack. BUT BETTER!)
  • The most kind and funny and random people here. You just have to break them in first ;)
  • They are very open people and will talk about anything you want :)
  • Their freezing cold weather and how sometimes the sun doesnt go down and sometimes doesnt come up..
I belong here. I feel like this town is mine and these people are my family. 

I am going to live here one day. Thats not a maybe, i will.

I will never forget this year that changed my life and the people in it. I still have 3 months left and i am going to make the best of it.

The best of my friends who i love so much, the best of this town that makes me love life and the best of me and what i believe.

Bring it on, 
The best is yet to come.

 Until nextime,
xoxo
Crystal

Thursday, September 23, 2010

These things happen.

☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆


It started out with butterflies in my stomach,
Then turned into a feeling i didn't quite recognize.
But, that feeling left. It may have taken some time and some bad decisions, but its now gone.
I'm will be ready to feel that again, just not now.
It takes to much time. And makes you worry and think to much.
So, my new way of thinking begins now. :)

My heart is open. :)


☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆☆¸.•*¨*`•.☆

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Food.

I just want to eat everything all the time...
Right now, i want these. (Call them what you want...)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I want hair like this:


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Excitement.

My Life Is Insane Right Now.

I don't know what to think or what to say. I just know that i can't stop thinking. About everything.
 - My time left here
 - The fact i don't want to leave
 -My best friends here, Malin and Cornelia. They mean the world to me, and i don't want to let go of that
 -Going back to school and having to do exams and work for the next 2 years
 -Going back to my friends and being fucking scared of what they think and what has changed
 -Money
 -Drama that is going on with friends
 -Swedish boys (oh how i wish..)
 -Moving away from home as soon as i can
 -Seeing my family...




I am in the perfect place and comfortable. Sometimes i lay in bed and think, you know what. I can imagine myself living here in 10 years. But, that is a long way away...

Right now,
   I'm living in the present. I am doing what is on my mind, so i don't regret not doing it. I have nothing to loose, right...?



Xoxo
Until next time,
Love Crystal

Monday, September 13, 2010

Remember...?







I just want to sit and watch OC with you...